Sunday, September 9, 2012

Bette Davis Eyes

This song was already old when Kim Carnes took it and shook it in 1981. I loved it then, and like it a great deal now. Oh, how fickle I am! Actually, this may mean that my taste is all in my arse, but I don't care. When I say it was old - it had been written in 1974, and released later that year to thundering silence.

It's a fine thing to be back at work, and an even finer thing to have the energy to sit at my keyboard to write something. So, here we go:

I have found that the way to become a good bus driver (an exalted state I hope to reach one fine day) is to have Salamander Eyes. Big, googly, swivelling eyes. When cornering, I can use one to focus on the right mirror, to make sure I don't hit that bloody concrete island that some dickhead put there. With the second swivelly eye I can watch for the moron in the Audi - more on that later - who is going to do something unexpected. With the third (!) I can keep an eye on the left mirror to make sure the tail swing doesn't take out the Postbox some dickhead (possibly the same one) put too close to the kerb. And after I've done all that, I can do something about watching the road ahead because that kid's just rushed out and..

Incidentally - "He's got salamander eyes" scans with the song perfectly.

There are a few TV commercials I'd like to comment on. There's the Kinder Surprise one, where the Dad knocks on the door and asks the little girl to come outside... Then gives her chocolate and acts all... creepy... with her. I can't help but think he's been forbidden contact with the child, isn't allowed in the home, and is a peadophiliac slimeball. Otherwise, why not simply open the door? Why not simply go inside? Why not simply tell the little girl to put her hand in his pocket to find the.... Oh. Sorry.  I don't like that commercial, At all.

Then there's the one where the equally creepy guy goes to the bank vault while an oleagenous voice-over bangs on about "precious things". El Creepo then gets into a car to find a bride (it's at night-time, too. Extra creepiness) while the voice-over says something about daughters being the most precious, my dear. The Rich Creep gives the bride - his daughter - a key. I'm assuming it opens her chastity belt. The whole tone of the commercial is that the daughters of rich men belong to their fathers. Vileness, in the back of a car.

Then there's the Stuart Dawson (I think) Jeweller commercial. Three vacant chicks are sitting at a coffee table. Two ask the third how her new relationship is going... and Blank Chick # 3 shows off the jewellery her new boyfriend has bought her. Hmm. The best way to judge a man is by the jewellery he buys you...  Vile factor of 7 out of 10.

It's later. Time to write a little more about Audi drivers.

There are, I am sure, good drivers who are also Audi drivers, but I haven't seen any for a long time. Maybe there's an Audi aerosol that the vehicles spray at their drivers that turns off their brains. I'm finding that 8 times out of 10 that I see arrogance, rudeness, shitheadedness, and prickish behaviour on the roads, it's being demonstrated by an Audi driver. I bet that Creepy Father # 2 drives an Audi. Paedo Creepy Father # 1 would drive a white van...

Watching: Not much on TV right now that rings my bells.

Reading: Ian Tregillis, "Bitter Seeds". Sci Fantasy, and excellently done.

Listening to: Arcade Fire "Neon Fire". Top album.

Movies: We went to see "Brave" yesterday. Laughed like a drain. Really thoroughly enjoyed it.

Buy of the Week: Mad Butcher has big bags of licorice allsorts off cuts for $4.


  1. Agree wholeheartedly re creepy guys! If you and Jen haven't already, go and see "Moonrise Kingdom" - you'd both love it, I'm sure! Hugs...

  2. Gidday Al
    We are in the UK - Liverpool at the moment. You can follow our blog
    We missed you guys at the dinner before we left.
    My email address is